Step To The Past
by Nikkilouise
Summary: When Buffy doesnt avoid answering Spike when he asks whether the previous night meant something it changes everything.
1. Chapter 1

"You're a dope and a bonehead and you're... shirty." Buffy tells him.

"Have you gone completely carrot-top?" Spike asks, still with a puzzled look on his face.

Buffy holds up the Scythe. "Do you see this?" she shakes it at him, "This may actually help me fight my war. This might be the key to everything, and the reason I'm holding it... is because of you. Because of the strength you gave me last night. Look, I am tired of defensiveness and... and... and weird mixed signals. You know what, I have faith for that. Let's just get to the truth here, okay?" Buffy continued, "I don't know how you felt about last night, but I will not..."

"Terrified." Spike admits quietly as he looks away and stuffs his hands into the pockets of his duster.

"Of what?" Buffy asks gently.

Spike looks at her. "Last night was..." He takes a deep breath then sighs. "God, I'm such a jerk, I can't do this." He whispers, his throat constricted.

"Spike." Buffy urges him to go on.

"It was the best night of my life." Spike swallows and looks at Buffy intently. "If you poke fun at me, you bloody well better use that Scythe, cause I couldn't bear it. It may not mean much to you, but." Spike gets out, sounding close to tears.

"I just told you it did," Buffy says softly.

Spike gives a little laugh and a rueful smile. "Yeah, I heard you say it, but. I've lived for sodding ever, Buffy; I've done everything. Done things with you I can't spell, but I've never... been close, to anyone, least of all you... until last night. All I did was... hold you, watch you sleep, and it was the best night of my life. So yeah. I'm terrified."

Buffy looks at him for a moment and realizes it's time to stop playing games and tell him about the epiphany she had. "You don't have to be."

His head tilts slightly, "Were you there with me?"

Buffy smiles, "I was."

"What does that mean?" Spike is suddenly scared that this is when his nose will get broken.

When Buffy finally answers, it isn't at all what Spike expected her to say. "Last year, you were right; I did feel something for you, but I was so screwed up I decided to take everything that I couldn't handle out on you. Then the incident in the bathroom happened and I tried to convince myself that I'd never felt anything for you but hatred. Then, I saw you at the school, all making with the crazy, and... What I had tried to deny came back. Boy, did it come back! But despite that, I left you there and tried to convince myself you deserved it and that I didn't care. Then you showed me you really had changed and it wasn't all an act."

Buffy stops and takes a deep breath as her gaze drops to Spike's chest. "I'd decided to wait until we stopped The First to sit down and really talk and decide what we wanted to do. I know I feel something for you, Spike, but don't exactly know what and don't exactly have the time to work it out." Buffy glances up at Spike and smiles at his hopeful expression."I'd be willing to give it a chance... If you want."

Spike's hopeful smile changes to a frown as he sees something over her shoulder. She turns to find out what he's looking at.

"Angel."

Buffy says. Spike looks at Buffy and then glares at Angel. "I'll leave you two alone then."

He turns to the door and has his hands on the knob, ready to leave, when Buffy stops him with "Spike, wait. Please dont go." Spike stills and nods slightly and she turns to Angel. "Can you come downstairs? We really need to talk." She realizes she has to tell Angel the truth and at the same time let Spike know that just because Angel showed up, it makes no difference to their relationship.

Angel nods and Buffy starts for the basement, grabbing Spike's coat sleeve on her way by and pulling him behind her. Angel follows, slightly puzzled, but doesn't say anything until they reach the bottom of the stairs.

"Whats wrong, Buffy?" Angel asks.

Buffy takes a deep breath and wraps her arm around Spike's. Spike and Angel are wearing identical expressions of surprise when Buffy says "Ok, Angel, I have something to tell you and I need you to accept it. Spike and I are...kind of together."

Without giving either vampire a chance to react, she quicky continues. "I've told you for two reasons. First, so that you know there's no chance for you and I anymore; and second, so Spike knows that you being here makes no difference. I meant what I said upstairs... about giving him a chance." Angel opens his mouth and Buffy holds up her hand. "No matter how this turns out, I'm still going to give him the chance I should have last year." She glances shyly over at Spike then looks back at Angel. "I'm hoping that maybe, in time, he'll be able to forgive me enough to maybe trust me again."

Spike reaches out and gently turns Buffy's head to face him. "Pet, I forgave you for everything a long time ago."

Angel wants to argue; he really wants to, but he doesn't. He realizes that after walking away from Buffy at graduation, he has no right to. He forces his feelings down and turns to Spike. "I don't like this, William, not at all," Angel says, "but Buffy's obviously made up her mind, and we both know how stubborn she is."

That earns him a smack on the arm from Buffy. He smirks at her and continues. "I'm trusting you to look after her. If you don't, what I'll do to you will make the very worst thing Angelus ever did to you seem like tickling."

Buffy smacks Angel on the arm again. "Don't you threaten him ! Why are you here, anyway, Angel?"

"Willow told me about the battle when she came to re-soul me," Angel tells her. He reaches into the inside pocket of his coat. "I've brought something to help." He holds up a large crystal surrounded by a webbing of fine silver that's dangling from a long, silver chain. "I'm not exactly sure what it does, but it's supposed to help. I'm the only one who can wear it, though."

Buffy nods and holds up the Scythe. "Okay. I've got to go right now and find out about this, then we'll worry about the Liberace necklace."

Spike smirks. "Do you want us to come as backup?"

Buffy nods. "Why don't you go grab some weapons in case Crazy Preacher Guy shows up?"

Spike starts up the stairs, followed by Buffy and Angel. "Maybe along the way you can fill me in on how the two of you got together." Angel suggested. Buffy glances nervously up the stairs at the back of Spike's coat. She then nods, saying, "Sure, Angel."

Fully armed, they leave the house and walk quickly down the street. Buffy is quiet for a moment, trying to figure out where to start the story. She casts a sideways glance at Spike, walking quietly beside her, and he smiles shyly. It reminds her of how he looked the night she climbed out of her grave and she decides that's as good a place as any to start.

She speaks softly, telling Angel how empty she felt, how disconnected she was from her friends and Dawn, and how Spike was the only person she could stand to be around because he didn't expect her to act like everything was peachy with a side of keen.

Spike leans toward her, just enough to brush their arms together, offering his strength as she continues. She tells the story of the night they brought the house down, the fight and the harsh words, how she left him the following morning stranded in the rubble, all bloody and bruised. Her face heats in shame as she tells Angel about her abusive behavior toward Spike after that. How she beat on him, belittled his feelings for her, used him to make her feel.

She stops talking suddenly, fearful of recounting the bathroom incident. She knows Spike still feels guilty about that, it's what prompted him to travel halfway around the world in search of his soul after all - and she doesn't want Angel to go on the offensive and attack Spike over something that she knows was her fault as well.

Spike knows what part of their history comes next and he can sense her apprehension. He shifts the battle axe he's carrying to his other hand and reaches for her fingers, giving them a small squeeze. "It's alright, pet. Go on and tell him." She looks over at him with a grateful smile, not letting go of his hand, and takes a deep breath. Angel's expression turns dark as she tells him about Spike attacking her in the bathroom and she puts her hand on his arm when he slows to a stop and turns to face Spike. "Leave him alone, Angel. I'm not done." Angel nods tightly and continues walking. She explains how she feels that she was complicit in the attack, how her poor treatment of Spike had driven him to it and how he traveled all the way to Africa to get his soul.

She fills him in on what happened after Spike turned up in the basement of the school, the voices talking to him, making him kill. She explains about getting Spike's chip out, how Wood and Giles plotted to get rid of him, and how everyone but Spike turned on her and kicked her out of her own house. Then she continues with how Spike found her in the abandoned house and stayed with her all night, giving her the strength to keep going and to go after Caleb and get the Scythe. "And that's pretty much when you turned up," Buffy finishes up, "I'd only been home for a little while."

They stop in front of the tomb, Buffy pulls the door open and steps in slowly, letting her eyes adjust to the low light provided by several torches on the walls. A crumpled heap lies on the floor in the middle of the room. It's an old woman, her neck obviously broken. "Looks like Caleb got here first."

Buffy is startled when Angel suddenly goes hurtling past her, crashing into the wall with a sickening thump. She spins, clutching the Scythe tight in her fist and glares at Caleb standing in the doorway, a smug look on his face. He chuckles darkly, "Well, if it ain't the prodigal Slayer. You ready to die, girly?"

Buffy grins at Spike. "You ready?" He nods and the fight's on. It floats around the small tomb, punches and kicks, swipes of Buffy's Scythe and Spike's axe, bodies thrown against the walls and crashing into the floor. Angel regains his footing and moves up behind Caleb, who is squaring off with Buffy. He signals to Spike, who's pulling himself out of a pile of broken crates, and they move to either side of Caleb. Each one takes an arm and spins away just as Buffy swings the Scythe, splitting Caleb in two. Buffy grimaces at the squelchy sound of half a preacher hitting the floor as the other half lands on the pile of crates and slowly slides down. "Okay, hey, that was gross. Effective, but gross." Spike and Angel share an amused look as Buffy shudders. "Ew. Let's get out of here !"


	2. Chapter 2

The walk back to the house is silent, each one lost in their own thoughts. Giles meets them all at the door with a look of concern. "Where were you? Did you find out anything?"

"No. Caleb killed a woman, probably to keep her from telling me anything about this." She holds up the bloody and gore-splattered Scythe. "He stuck around for a while, but then he had to split." She giggles wildly at this and Spike rolls his eyes.

Giles looks confused. "You let him go?"

She giggles again. "No. He's dead. She hands the Scythe to Giles and snags the sleeves of the two vampires standing behind her. "We're going downstairs. Call if you need anything."

Giles looks like he's about to argue or say something annoying and English. Buffy shakes her head. "Don't, Giles. Just don't."

Buffy closes the basement door quietly and walks slowly down the stairs. Spike and Angel are standing in the open space next to the punching bag, looking uncomfortable. Buffy stops in front of Spike and looks up at him. "Spike, I want to tell the gang about us." She blushes and stutters out, "I mean if there is an us. Is there?"

Spike looks at her in shock for a moment then he grins. "Of course there's an us, luv."

She grins back and reaches for his hand. "You'll be there with me, right?" Spike nods and twines his fingers with hers.

Angel clears his throat. "I'll be there for backup if you want me to. Just tell me when." Buffy smiles at him. "How about now? Does now work for you?" He nods, and they all head for the stairs.

Buffy gathers the Scoobies together in the living room, waiting until everyone is seated. She glances behind her, catching Spike's eye, and gives him a small smile, then turns back to the group. "Hey guys, can we talk?"

Xander glares at Spike and Angel. "Sure. What's up, Buff?"

"Right." Buffy begins with a deep breath. "I have a lot to say, so I'd appreciate it if you all could listen and not butt in. And Xan, get that look off your face, really not helping." Xander forces his face into a blank expression as Buffy looks at the floor for a minute, trying to decide where to start. "Okay. Xander, Willow, you two are my best friends and I trusted you completely, but you've destroyed that by betraying me... more than once. In the past, I've always let it go without comment, but I'm no longer able to do that. You betrayed me three times in less than a year. I was able to forgive bringing me back to a point because you thought you were helping me. Wils, you betrayed me again by lying about your magic and nearly ending the world, but last night's betrayal was the last straw."

Buffy glares at Xander, changing who she is faulting now. "Ever since it happened, you've gone on and on about what happened in the bathroom, but you really can't talk, can you Xan? Hyena ringing any bells?" Xander manages to look contrite and Buffy looks around the room. "You all really need to get out of the habit of telling me how to live my life. Telling me who I can and can't date. Don't you think I've had enough of my life decided for me without my so-called friends doing the same thing? I think the only exceptions are Dawn and Spike."

Buffy turns and gives Spike another smile then turns back to the silent room. "Now, I'm not saying that you can't give me advice or discuss things with me, but please stop making decisions for me without giving me any say in them. It makes me feel like I have no control over my own life."

Buffy turns to Giles, it is his turn. "You have been with me since I came to Sunnydale, and I appreciate everything you've done for me. But everything I said applies to you, too. It's gonna take me a while to forgive you for trying to have Spike dusted, and for the part you played in the mutiny, and you're just gonna have to deal with that. I want you to back off and let me make my own choices." Buffy looks around the room nervously, waiting for the shouting to start.

Her eyes widen in shock at the chorus of apologies, Willow's the loudest. She smiles slightly and nods. "Thanks, guys."

Buffy looks at Xander. "Oh, one more thing, Xan. You had no right to tell Dawn, or anyone else, about the bathroom thing, especially since you didn't have the full story. You didn't know the events that led up to that or why Spike acted the way he did, but with your all-demons-are-evil mindset, you decided you knew the whole story." She glances guiltily at Spike then takes a deep breath. "You know, I'm surprised that he didn't kill me after all the abuse I heaped on him for months. Do you guys remember my birthday last year? How bruised Spike was? That was me. I beat the crap out of him because he tried to talk some sense into me when I thought I'd killed Katrina." She drops her eyes to the floor and her voice drops to a whisper. "You know the worst part? He didn't even fight back. He let me beat him to a pulp and then I just walked away and left him there." She turns to Spike. "I'm really sorry about that, Spike. I'm sorry for all of it."

Spike steps closer. "It's ok, Slayer." He says, "I forgave you almost straightaway." He leans down and pulls her into a hug, then looks over her shoulder, catching the eyes of Xander and Giles. "Look, I know we've never gotten on, but I really want to help, so I'll make a deal for you lot. You don't give me a hard time and I won't give you a hard time. Slayer's got enough on her plate without having to keep her group from killing one another." They both look at him in surprise then slowly nod. Spike pulls back and whispers, "You done here, pet?"

She shakes her head. "No. Just one more thing." She turns around and crosses her arms then lifts her chin defiantly. "Spike and I are together." Buffy looks around the room, daring anyone to say anything. When no one speaks, she smiles slightly. "We were going to wait until after we'd stopped The First, but I realized that that would be the same thing I was doing last year with the secrecy and everything. Spike is who I want, and I hope you can all deal with that and not give us a hard time about it." She looks pointedly at Xander.

Dawn slowly gets up from the couch and walks over to Spike, looking up at him shyly. "I'm sorry for threatening to set you on fire, Spike. Can we be friends again?"

Spike beams a smile at her. "Of course we can, Niblet. As far as I'm concerned, we've always been friends you were just having a Summers' tantrum." There's a loud squeal and Spike suddenly finds himself with a giggling Dawn attachment. Spike squeezes her tight for a moment, then lets her go and looks at Giles. "About the attempt to kill me. I accept that you were protecting Buffy, but I don't accept being dusted for something I had no control over."

He gives Giles a glare and Giles looks at him in shame. "Why did you never tell us?"

Spike snorts. "Would you have believed me? You were all determined to think the absolute worst of me." He starts pacing the small area in front of the stairs. "I can just see it. I tell you the truth and the whelp reaches for a stake while the rest of you lot laugh me outta the bloody building." He throws a glare at the group, a few of them wincing under his withering look. "l took your shit treatment of me. All the bloody insults and the dismissive attitudes. I stayed on and helped even though Buffy was dead. When she came back, you all pretty much forgot I existed unless you needed muscle or someone expendable to send into a fight and still I stayed."

Spike stops suddenly, whirling to face the room, his duster flaring. "And you know what? None of you have ever thanked me for any of it. Not once." Everyone in the room looks down, differing levels of shame written in their features. Xander gets to his feet and walks over to Spike with his hand out. "I'm sorry, Spike, and thanks." Spike shakes his hand, his eyes wide with wonder. Xander turns to Buffy. "I don't know if this will mean much, but if you really want to be with Bleachy here, it's fine by me." Buffy smiles and looks at Willow, who nods in agreement. "Thanks guys. It means a lot, really."

She reaches back and takes hold of Spike hand. "Angel has something that will help us stop The First, but we need a plan."

Buffy turns at the sound of Angel's cough. "I have an idea," he says, "but it needs all of us to do it. I need everyone in here."

Buffy calls an extended meeting with all the Potentials joining the Scoobies in the living room. She waits until everyone is seated then nods to Angel. She then goes to join Spike, who's curled up in a large chair.

Once he has everyone's attention, Angel begins. "Willow and Cordy will be stationed just above the seal, performing a spell to make all Potentials into Slayers. I'll be wearing this," Angel holds up the necklace. "Spike, you and Buffy will clear everyone out before the amulet takes full effect and guard the seal, making sure no ennemies get out." He reaches out and grasps Spike's forearm. "You make sure you get her out before the amulet activates, no matter what. The one thing I was told about it is that it will destroy anything supernatural."

Spike nods and looks at Buffy, noticing the suspicious look on her face. "Okay, Angel, what are you not telling us?"

Angel shakes his head and Spike turns to Willow. "You birds need to look anything up or get supplies for the spell?" Willow shakes her head, "No, we've got everything here, and we've both gone through it enough that we've practically got it memorized." Angel gets to his feet. "Alright, we'll go in first thing in the morning. We should all get some sleep."

Willow and Cordy head up to Willow's room as Buffy nods at the stairs, "You're welcome to crash in Dawn's room," She says to Angel. He nods absently, "Alright." He looks between Buffy and Spike, then focuses on Buffy. "There's something that's been puzzling me. The last time I was here, you said that Spike was back and still wanted to kill you. How did he change so much? He's a totally different vampire from the one I turned."

Spike freezes as Buffy turns to stare at him. She says over her shoulder, "Make with the splainy, Angel."

"Drusilla'd almost drained William, but she got distracted by her pixies or whatever and dropped him. I stepped in and finished the job. He's my Childe, not hers." Angel explains.

Buffy nods slowly, her eyes still locked on Spike. "Why did you never tell me?"

He gives her a sad smile. "After Angelus got the bloody soul and waltzed out of our lives, I felt betrayed. So, I started telling everyone that Dru was my Sire - didn't want to have any memory of Angelus. Figured if he was gonna forget me, I'd forget him as well." Buffy wraps him in a hug and murmurs into his neck. "Oh, Spike. What am I gonna do with you?


End file.
